Yearbook
by lapsus calami
Summary: UPDATED: third chapter, from the Aubrey twins point of view. Yay.
1. The Book!

Title: Yearbook  
  
Summary: A short look at the Best and Worst of the 'Surprise' crew of 1804. Information - book-verse, 'HMS Surprise'. Insanity to be expected - readers, be forewarned.  
  
Note: Boredom does a lot to a gal. I thought of SO MANY PEOPLE while writing this. oo; It's not even funny. I think you're all just ganging up on me, with this 'friend' thing, so I'll just go ahead and lose it. =Sticks tongue out= Well, it worked. Hence, dedications get a whole paragraph to itself... xD  
  
Dedicated To...: Prongs, Wormtail, Thig, SilentTrainConductor, Weasel (too... Many... Nicknames...), Trin, and PAUL BETTANY. o.x; Last, but certainly not least. Huzzay, you guys! Without you, I would be NOTHING. Hell, with you, I'm /still/ nothing. Bwahah. 'Specially Mister Bettany. =Shifty eyes=

* * *

** HMS _Surprise_  
Crew of 1803  
  
Most Likely to Succeed:** Jack Aubrey   
  
**Best Couple:** Jack Aubrey and Sophia Williams 

**WORST Couple:** Diana Villiers and Canning

**Best Friendship:** Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin  
  
**Hottest Doctor:** Stephen Maturin

**Biggest Downer at a Party:** Joan Maragall  
  
**Most Annoying:** Preserved Killick

**Worst Mom:** Mrs Williams  
  
**Worst Dad:** General Aubrey

**Least Likely to Get Lost:** Barrett Bonden

**Cutest Midshipman:** William Babbington

**Best at a Thumb War:** Joe Plaice

**Worst at a Thumb War:** Stephen Maturin

**Crew Flirt:** William Babbington

**Most Secretive:** Stephen Maturin

**Most Musically Talented:** Jack Aubrey and Stephen Maturin

**Musically Inept:** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Most Likely to Marry and Have 1,000 Babies:** TIE - Jack Aubrey and William Babbington

**Most Likely to be a Model:** Preserved Killick


	2. The Film!

Note: A continuation, because Thig suggested it. I'm making this movie- verse, because I'm too lazy to reach a foot away, to where all my books are, in order, on my desk. =blink= That, and because it'll be somewhat more familiar to most everyone. (Except for the 'best at aiming at small rodents' part, and the forgetting of weasels. That bit's SilentTrainConductor. 'The Fortune of War'!). Yay.  
  
Dedication: For Thig. Huzzay, you!

* * *

** HMS Surprise  
Crew of 1805/2000  
**  
**Most Infectious Grin:** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Scariest Smile:** Preserved Killick  
  
**Most Prominent Wearer of Flesh-Coloured Trousers:** Jack Aubrey  
  
**Best First Name:** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Worst First Name:** Wallace Hollom  
  
**Best At Aiming At Small Rodents With Surgical Implements:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Midshipmen Most Likely To Be Captured By Rabid Fan Girls:** TIE – William Blakeney and Peter Calamy  
  
**Most Likely To Be Captured By Rabid Fan Girls, and LIKE It:** Jack Aubrey  
  
**Least Buoyant:** William Warley  
  
**Most Likely To Join a Boy Band:** TIE – Tom Pullings and Joseph Nagle  
  
**Least Likely To Join a Boy Band:** Stephen Maturin [NOTE: not necessarily because said person wouldn't WANT to be]  
  
**Most Popular In a Hot Tub:** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Least Popular In a Hot Tub:** THREE WAY TIE – Jack Aubrey, Awkward Davies, and James Mowett  
  
**Most Likely To Taste Like Grape:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Least Likely To Taste Like Grape:** Faster Doudle  
  
**Most Usually Incorrectly Spelt Name:** Jemmy Ducks  
  
**Prettiest In a Beanie:** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Least Likely To Remember His Country Doesn't Have Weasels, But Tries To Cover It Up:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Most Likely To Risk His Life For Tableware:** Preserved Killick  
  
**Most Likely To End Up On Broadway:** James Mowett  
  
**Nicest Ponytail:** TIE – Barrett Bonden and Tom Pullings  
  
**WORST Ponytail:** Preserved Killick

* * *

Note: I did NOT make the 'Wallace Hollom' bit up – I went to the HMS Rose (more than once, actually) at the San Diego Harbour, and they have a copy of the letter Jack was writing to Sophie in the film. Jack mentions Hollom, and his first name REALLY IS WALLACE. =shriekdie= Well, according to the film, anyways. I'm fairly certain it isn't mentioned in the books. Also, I used all the characters' CANON names – I really hate that Peter Weir changed Mowett's first name to William. =grumblegrumble= THERE ARE ENOUGH WILLIAMS ALREADY!!!  
  
Another Note: What's so hard about spelling 'Jemmy Ducks'? I have seen it generally mutated at least a THOUSAND TIMES. It is not 'Jemey'. It is not 'Jemy'. It most certainly is not 'Jemi'. JEMMY! ARGH! =conniption fit= 


	3. The Insanity!

Note: Another one, because a) you lot are apparently enjoying it, and b) I'm facing a severe writer's block issue with 'Fidelity', because all I can think of is having Charlotte attack Mrs Williams like a rabid dog. Not that that wouldn't be funny... Um... This is just sort of the funny version. Where I poke fun at everyone. From the twins's point of view. Yeah. Okay.  
  
Dedication: For Wormtail. There. You have had two pieces dedicated to you, so stop whinging. (Just kidding, Lin. xD)

* * *

HMS Surprise  
Crew of 1809  
As Compiled By Charlotte and Fanny Aubrey  
  
**Most Naïve:** Jack Aubrey  
  
**Best Voice:** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Crummiest Voice:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Crew Nag:** Preserved Killick  
  
**Most Likely To Have Turnips Pitched At Their Heads For Being An Arse:** Jack Aubrey  
  
**Nicest To Have Around When You're Bored:** Faster Doudle  
  
**Nicest To Have Around When You WANT to be Bored:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Most Interesting Facial Scars:** Tom Pullings  
  
**Least Interesting Scars (we REALLY didn't want to see that, you know):** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Most Likely to Save You If You're Hanging By Your Ankle Off the Mizzen, Even If You Were Breaking the Rules By Trying To Catch an Albatross In Your Pinafore:** Barrett Bonden  
  
**Crew Obsessive Compulsive:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Weirdest Friend, But Most Poz:** Jemmy Ducks  
  
**Who to Steal Beanies From, Because They Won't Get Angry At You and Chase You Around the Whole Damn Ship, Like SOME Coxswains We Know:** Joseph Nagle  
  
**Happiest Face:** Tom Pullings  
  
**Most Likely To Get Angry At You For Stealing the Narwhal Horn From Their Room and Using It As a Sword In A Mock Battle, Even 'Though He Basically Said It Would Be All Right With Him Before, the Lying Cheat:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Crew Klutz:** Preserved Killick  
  
**SCARIEST EARS, Which Are Still Scary, Even If They Are His Symbols of Courage From Battle Whatsit:** Jack Aubrey  
  
**Biggest Whoremonger:** William Babbington  
  
**Most Interesting To Watch Cutting Up Dinner:** Stephen Maturin  
  
**Most Likely To Plait Your Hair For You If You Ask Nicely Enough:** TIE – Tom Pullings and Barrett Bonden  
  
**Most Handsome Master's Mate Ever To Set Foot On Any Ship In the Whole Wide World, and I Don't CARE If Fanny Doesn't Agree:** William Reade, soon Mr Charlotte Aubrey  
  
**Most Likely To Let You Sit On One of the Carronades During Supper, Even 'Though We're Really Not Supposed To:** TIE – Jemmy Ducks and Slade 


End file.
